Freaking Out Squares

Saturday, September 09, 2006

...And Many Happy Returns

Last night, Sarito and I went to hear my pal Tessa Souter at Joe's Pub. Sarito, as you'll recall, as my sometime acting buddy and frequent spiritual mentor. Tessa and I met in a memoir writing workshop last spring. Not only has Tessa published a book, she's an awesome, awesome chanteuse and songwriter who's also--wait for it--gorgeous and a total sweetheart. Sigh.

Anyway, before the set started, I was telling Sarito that I seemed to be going through a strange period right now, what with my thirtieth birthday right around the corner. Much of it is the predictable jazz--no career, no money, no motivation save fear--but some of it is positive, if unnerving. For example, I've made a decision to take more responsibility for who I am instead of passing it all off on my shitty childhood. Sarito explained that what I was going through was what the astrologers refer to as the Saturn Return. Hmmm.

The Saturn Return, which is the period between 28 and 30, is the first time Saturn completes its cycle through your birth chart and returns to where it was when you were born. According to Skye Alexander, "Few people describe Saturn Return as a pleasant period. While undergoing your Saturn Return, you may find yourself turning inward and reflecting on your individual destiny...you may feel lonely and alienated from those around you, while family and friends think you are shutting them out. But this is a necessary period of consolidation, when you must retreat from the distractions of the outer world and focus on yourself at your most fundamental level." (See, therapy group! I was going through my Saturn Return! That's why I've been such a cunt these past two years. Hee hee.)

It does make sense to me, in an odd way, but I suppose we can cook up any explanation for any phase of life. There's too much about astrology that makes sense to me, though, for me to dismiss it as sheer coincidence--not least the fact that my birthday was designated "the day of the world's stage."

The question is, what to do with all this information? I do kind of wish that we could all be more attentive to this and let it shape us in some real way that doesn't let us off the hook of, as Jerry Springer puts it, taking care of ourselves and each other. I mean, I don't endorse constructing a legal defense along the lines of Dan White and his Twinkies--"My Saturn Return made me do it!"

Anyway. The show was great, the writer's block continues, but I can feel something trying to push its way out of there.

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