Chef, What's Shrimping?

Well, children, shrimping is a trendy sexual activity, the likes of which involves…you know, I’m really not entirely sure. I’ve never indulged because…uh…I’m a virgin! Yeah, that’s it. Hee. (I do leave the house sometimes.) Anyway, this is not that kind of blog, but I wonder if those looking for more adult content will give me some hits today. For the rest of you, please feast on the far more appetizing (and tame):

Karla’s Shrimp Curry with Texmati Rice

As with shrimp and black bean sludge, you can use any kind of rice you want. Get a life and stop doing everything I do!

Ingredients:

One tablespoon olive oil
One small onion, finely chopped (I usually use scallions, but I didn’t have any on hand)
Two plum tomatoes, finely chopped
A handful each of fresh basil and cilantro, finally chopped (yes, you can use dried)
A half-pound defrosted, cooked shrimp
One cup plus one tablespoon plain yogurt
Juice of one-half lime
Cayenne, turmeric, coriander, cumin, and salt to taste
One cup green peas
A small handful of raisins (optional)
Two cloves garlic, minced
Texmati rice

Instructions:

1. As with sludge, cook the rice according to the package directions.

2. Chop up the veggies and herbs and dump them into your skillet or stockpot, which you should have already slicked with the olive oil. Sauté on high for two minutes, stirring frequently, then reduce heat to medium. Cook until mushy—if the skin is peeling off the tomatoes, it’s ready for step three. Stir occasionally.

3. While the veggies are reducing, defrost the shrimp. When the veggies are reduced, take off the tails and toss the shrimp in the pan. Cover them up with the veggie-herb mix. (“Now, children, you want that shrimp and those tomatoes to be makin’ love like a man and a beautiful woman!”)

4. When the shrimp is suitably covered, add one cup of yogurt and the juice of one-half lime. Mix well. Add the spices according to taste, and mix well again.

5. When the concoction starts to sputter again, add the peas. Let sputter for a while, then reduce heat to low. Simmer for a half-hour or so.

6. If you feel like it, add a small handful of raisins. Any kind will do, unless you absolutely can’t stand raisins. In which case, don’t add raisins at all. Duh.

7. Five minutes or so before the end, add the chopped garlic.

8. The rice should be finished by now, so let it stand for five minutes. Do the same with the curry. This will give you the opportunity to run out to the corner deli for some cigarettes.

9. Serve the shrimp atop the rice, and make sure you have a good-sized glass of soymilk, cow’s milk, or beer at the ready, because that shit is spicy. Namaste!

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