Freaking Out Squares

Saturday, September 23, 2006

I'm Pro-Biotic, And I Vote!

It appears my dad has seen the light at the end of the tunnel of his epic battle with his diseased intestines. He discovered the magic potion known as kefir at a local health food store--local in Harrisburg, no less! I know there are health food stores there, because my mom dated this macrobiotic dude for two years and they used to drag me there to get tofu, but I always assume they'll be closed down because they sell Commie food. Anyway, he's getting used to the taste, but he's hoping the influx of good bacteria will enable him to move his bowels like a normal fifty-eight-year-old who lives on frozen dinner entrees. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like he'll be able to sue the dentist who gave him clindamycin. Although clindamycin, as I've stressed on these pages, is notorious for causing intestinal upset, he was taking other antibiotics for other problems at various times throughout the year, and while the clindamycin probably pushed him over the edge, he can't prove that the drug itself was the sole cause of his problems. Not to mention, he neglected to read the small print, and without that, you don't have a case.

In other news, I'm back in touch with my college drama director, who loathes my undergraduate institution as much as I do. I was on their website yesterday and my eyeballs were bleeding with all those pictures of clean-cut preps in their Polartec fleeces. I'm tempted to add something to the class notes about working as a dominatrix (false) just so I can imagine the gasps of "Well, I never!" (To which Groucho Marx responded, "Well, you should, you might like it.") Ugh. What was I thinking, attending the undergraduate institution which shall remain nameless so I can make fun of it? Even my dad warned me against going there. I will never forget his words--"Those kids are really preppy, and you know how you feel about preppies." But noooo, I was seduced by ivy-covered walls and a beautiful lakefront. My hypothetical kids will do no such thing. They will attend the ugliest state school known to man! Fortunately, my drama director made it somewhat more bearable. I will forever cherish the memory of the playwriting class in which he gently responded to a girl who gave, as an example of stage devices, the story of seeing a play in Dublin about the life of Mrs. Oscar Wilde, in which the playwright recreated her childhood molestation with a huge monster puppet that forced her to fellate it, "This is not a good example, because we have to deal with our feelings about sex, and we have to deal with our feelings about puppets." You may have had to be there. I won't reveal his name either, even though he has tenure.

Nothing doing this weekend. Just sleep, the brother of death. Next weekend, I hit the opera with my friend in the Bronx, who promised to wear a tie.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

[... ] is one another great source of information on this issue[...]
http://trend-fusion.com/

3:19 AM

 
Blogger oakleyses said...

ugg boots, ray ban sunglasses, louis vuitton, polo ralph lauren, tory burch outlet, gucci handbags, tiffany and co, air max, nike free, burberry pas cher, michael kors pas cher, louis vuitton outlet, longchamp outlet, oakley sunglasses, oakley sunglasses wholesale, oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, louboutin pas cher, sac longchamp pas cher, louis vuitton, nike air max, longchamp pas cher, christian louboutin, christian louboutin shoes, jordan shoes, polo outlet, chanel handbags, ray ban sunglasses, christian louboutin uk, prada handbags, uggs on sale, longchamp outlet, replica watches, tiffany jewelry, christian louboutin outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, nike free run, ugg boots, jordan pas cher, oakley sunglasses, replica watches, kate spade outlet, nike outlet, nike air max, longchamp outlet, nike roshe, polo ralph lauren outlet online, ray ban sunglasses

8:34 PM

 
Blogger oakleyses said...

true religion outlet, polo lacoste, nike air max uk, michael kors outlet online, guess pas cher, true religion jeans, michael kors outlet, kate spade, replica handbags, michael kors outlet online, new balance, michael kors outlet, nike air max uk, nike air force, michael kors, sac vanessa bruno, vans pas cher, burberry outlet, michael kors outlet, mulberry uk, ray ban uk, nike tn, nike roshe run uk, burberry handbags, abercrombie and fitch uk, converse pas cher, lululemon canada, true religion outlet, michael kors outlet online, ray ban pas cher, coach outlet store online, sac hermes, michael kors outlet online, true religion outlet, michael kors, hollister pas cher, nike blazer pas cher, uggs outlet, hogan outlet, coach outlet, timberland pas cher, ralph lauren uk, coach purses, hollister uk, north face uk, oakley pas cher, nike free uk, uggs outlet, nike air max

8:38 PM

 
Blogger oakleyses said...

nike air max, insanity workout, vans outlet, vans, hollister, ghd hair, hollister, bottega veneta, mac cosmetics, new balance shoes, ralph lauren, mcm handbags, oakley, mont blanc pens, nike roshe run, p90x workout, nfl jerseys, babyliss, instyler, toms shoes, wedding dresses, gucci, louboutin, hollister clothing, abercrombie and fitch, north face outlet, soccer jerseys, jimmy choo outlet, lululemon, lancel, celine handbags, herve leger, chi flat iron, asics running shoes, longchamp uk, hermes belt, baseball bats, ferragamo shoes, nike trainers uk, soccer shoes, valentino shoes, timberland boots, reebok outlet, converse, nike air max, ray ban, converse outlet, north face outlet, beats by dre, nike huaraches

8:44 PM

 
Blogger oakleyses said...

canada goose, links of london, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, canada goose jackets, louis vuitton, pandora jewelry, marc jacobs, hollister, ugg pas cher, thomas sabo, pandora jewelry, louis vuitton, juicy couture outlet, moncler, canada goose outlet, swarovski crystal, supra shoes, canada goose, wedding dresses, moncler outlet, swarovski, canada goose outlet, louis vuitton, canada goose, moncler outlet, moncler, montre pas cher, louis vuitton, pandora charms, canada goose uk, pandora uk, moncler, moncler, louis vuitton, ugg uk, moncler uk, karen millen uk, coach outlet, doudoune moncler, ugg, canada goose outlet, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, juicy couture outlet, replica watches

8:49 PM

 

Post a Comment

<< Home