Freaking Out Squares

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Save the Internet, Save Ourselves

Well, now. Hmmm. What to say? To my readers (what are there, about five of y'all now? Hee), I apologize for my protracted absence, not to mention leaving you stuck, for the past month or so, with an essay on the "100 Unsexiest Men." Sigh. Whilst fellow bloggers were all over Stephen Colbert's uncomfortable, if brilliant, self-acquittal at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, I was re-tweaking a three-hundred-some-odd page fantasy novel (the word "king," when one is scanning a manuscript to ensure it's capitalized in all the right places, takes on a new level of bizarre), half-assedly applying for jobs, and stuck in a depression that I tried to convince myself a)wasn't as bad as I thought, b)wasn't as bad as others I've had (true enough, but still), and c)was because I hadn't managed to accept certain Greater Truths about myself and life as a whole, bon mots along the Reader's Digest-y lines of You Need To Learn What's Really Important In Life, And No, Trying To Construct A Livelihood From Freelance Writing Jobs And Crappy Parts In Off-Off-Off Broadway Shows Is Not It, And Where Do You Get Off Thinking You're Too Good For The Likes Of Suburbia? Oh, man. What a bitch that is, trying to get up and make coffee in the morning with that racket on loop in your head. If that's the script I have to look forward to, where's the gas pipe? (Look, if that's your thing, fine. It just ain't mine. Quit yelling at me.)

Anyway, I'm back now, and feeling rather better. I met the PMS expert/gynecologist, Dr. Janis Enzenbacher, and while it's still a little early in the supplement-ingesting process to see if her claims bear forth, she's the nicest gyno I've ever had, and not just because she didn't have the classic Pavlovian reaction to my PMS woes--"Well, we'll just put you on the Pill, then!" Yeah, thanks for asking, Dr. XY. You know who you are, and you know you yelled at me for "failing" Yasmin, as they say of HIV-positive people for whom antivirals aren't effective. But I digress. She's a lovely woman, and very gentle, and took it in stride when I bellowed during a biopsy of my most delicate organs. ("Wow, that's quite the alto!" was her remark.) And the test results are all negative, and all is well for now. Think I better knock, knock, knock on wood anyway, though. You never know.

I've joined's Coalition to Save the Internet, which is part of the campaign to protect Net Neutrality. If you go to their homepage, you can click on the list of blogs/bloggers who've joined, and then scroll down to the K's and you'll see the name of the very blog you're reading now. (How egocentric! And how superfluous, if you found this blog through the aforementioned site. If you've found it through other means, check out the site anyway, and sign up your own blog, if you have one. You'll get a nice little graphic you can install on your page, if you, unlike me, know what you're doing. I can't figure this new template out. My links have disappeared, and hell if I know where to put the graphic. Nerts! I hope I can email the template's author, because this is a pisser.)

The following is probably superfluous too, if you've been paying attention to the news (I was wondering what happened to Moby myself!), but here's a bit of info on Net Neutrality, cribbed straight from

What is network neutrality?

Network Neutrality — or "Net Neutrality" for short — is the guiding principle that preserves the free and open Internet. Net Neutrality ensures that all users can access the content or run the applications and devices of their choice. With Net Neutrality, the network's only job is to move data — not choose which data to privilege with higher quality service.

Net Neutrality is the reason why the Internet has driven economic innovation, democratic participation, and free speech online. It's why the Internet has become an unrivaled environment for open communications, civic involvement and free speech.

Who wants to get rid of Net Neutrality?

The nation's largest telephone and cable companies — including AT&T, Verizon, Comcast and Time Warner — want to be Internet gatekeepers, deciding which Web sites go fast or slow and which won't load at all.

They want to tax content providers to guarantee speedy delivery of their data. They want to discriminate in favor of their own search engines, Internet phone services, and streaming video — while slowing down or blocking their competitors.

These companies have a new vision for the Internet. Instead of an even playing field, they want to reserve express lanes for their own content and services — or those from big corporations that can afford the steep tolls — and leave the rest of us on a winding dirt road.

So, please do your part, because we really do not need to have our precious Internet time further fucked up by the banality of corporate evil. And stay tuned to this here site for such upcoming events as my trip to the Baltimore Hon Fest (June 9-11) and the long-delayed installation of DSL, tentatively scheduled to take place Father's Day weekend. Thanks, Dad! And thanks for helping me set up my brand-new 19-inch TV this past weekend. Finally, we managed to do something technical without killing each other. You're a good egg.